I was afraid you'd judge me...

This is what someone said to me today.

"I was afraid to tell you because I was afraid you would think I was bad and that you would judge me."

I felt hurt because I would never judge this person for what she was telling me.  I totally understood what she was going through and really felt her heart in our conversation.  I'm hurt that she didn't confide in me earlier, but I am more hurt by the reason for her not telling me.

And it has caused me to do some self searching.

Do I judge others?

Do I cause others to think I judge them?

Is it just the way I am perceived because of my faith in Jesus?

Matthew 7:1

Romans 12:15

change is coming...

I am feeling a bit lot overwhelmed.

The hubs accepted a position as Senior Pastor at a church in Bridgeport, Alabama this past Sunday.  I am so excited about seeing what the Lord will do in this sleepy little town and in our own lives.

But to be quite honest, I'm pretty scared.  I mean, what do I know about being the preacher's wife????

I never thought that we would be at this point.  I know that this is what God has called the hubs to.  Selfishly, I wished that the hubs (and God, for that matter) would be content with the hubs doing associate or youth pastor stuff.  I'm comfortable being the youth pastor's wife.  I know how to be that woman.  I've grown accustomed to the idea of life as I know it.

And now that is all about to change.

I know that some of this fear I am feeling is a bit irrational.  I know that people will like me for me and not for who they think I should be.  I know that I don't have to be involved in everything, even if people think I should.

Most importantly, I know that God will lead me through all of this with His grace & mercy.

baby

My sister is my hair stylist. The last time I was in Chattanooga, I stopped in for a cut & color (which was forever ago and I need to go again; but that's another story for another time.)

Stister (that's what I call her) has determined that the hubs & I are dealing with infertility too.  We may very well be, but we aren't too upset about this.  And to be honest with you, that fact surprises me.


I am can tend to be a control freak.  Not having control over this should be making me crazy.  But its not. And I believe the reason it isn't is because I am trusting Jesus to provide me with a child.  And if its not what He wants for me (right now or ever), I am ok with that.


But please know that everyday isn't this easy.  There are days when I feel so depressed, angry, upset, worried, and a myriad of other feelings about the fact that after almost 10 years of marriage, we don't have kids of our own.


I'm clinging to Romans 8:28 today:
:And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV)

Making progress

When knitting, carefully reading, understanding and following the directions are crucial skills.

I learned this the hard way.

And because I didn't read the directions correctly, I had to unravel my glove and start over.  But I am happy to say that (after a wasted week of work due to my foolishness) I am almost finished with the right hand!

My very first buttonhole!

Almost done; just needs the thumb.

Life in ministry

Sometimes being the wife of a pastor is hard. And sometimes it sucks. I feel like when I need the hubs, he's not there.

More new knitting!

I have now knitted in the round.

And my latest accomplishment in the new techniques of knitting is a cable stitch.

 I am so excited about this.  I've always wanted to learn how to do a cable knit and it was so much easier than I thought.  (I'm finding that this is the case when it comes to knitting.  But we'll see when I tackle the scariest thing ever: knitting the thumbs of my gloves.)

Knitting in the round

After several attempts, I am actually doing it!  It was hard getting the hang of having extra needles attached to my project, and it was a lot easier than I thought it would be.  I don't know why I was so hesitant; I guess its that fear of the unknown thing.